Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Good Luck, Good Knight.


It has ended. Batman 'fans', many of whom are yet to read their first comic, have proclaimed judgment. As I trooped out of the cinema, in awe of the artistic vision that Nolan has managed to retain intact, whilst transforming it into a multi-million dollar grossing spectacle, I heard a girl behind me say, in altogether too whiny a voice, "But, it was too violent!" Makes me feel strongly about the necessity for a law that screens people for their IQ before letting them out on the street, that does.

What are the two main criticisms leveled against the movie?
a) It is not as good as The Dark Knight.
b) Batman should've died in the end.

Let me proceed to destroy those arguments.
a) For people who are trying to compare The Joker with Bane, you are comparing the playing styles of Cristiano Ronaldo ( and Lionel Messi ( Yes, that's right. Owing to my thoroughly inadequate knowledge of the beautiful game, I had to google, "most flamboyant football player" in order to draw an analogy. Please read through the descriptions each player has been given, before you launch yourself into a furious debate about how Messi is far better than Ronaldo can hope to be, even given four legs to kick the football.

For those kindred souls who are too lazy to click on the link, here is your spoon feed. Lick well:
Cristiano Ronaldo- Cristiano Ronaldo has to be the most flamboyant player on the planet, largely because he'll try absolutely anything. Usually it works too.
Lionel Messi- The thing with Messi is that because he makes everything look so simple, it seems less flamboyant. World class has never been so apt.

Unless you're really thick, you will see how these descriptions are applicable to our two leading bad guys. The Joker's overt theatricality added a great deal of glamour to the second installment of the franchise, and, no doubt, people were swayed by all the face paint. But to expect Bane, a guy with a mask to be overtly theatrical and match The Joker crazy antic for crazy antic? Really?

The direction the movie takes will depend upon the challenges that the Batman has to face. And the nature of the challenges, in turn, depends upon who poses them. It follows that the challenges posed by Bane will be more physical in nature than the ones posed by The Joker. After all, The Joker doesn't want to kill Batman. He only wants to prove a point. Bane wants to break Batman. Physically and mentally. He's not out to prove a point. He's out to destroy. The movie is, by its very nature, condemned to be more visceral and less of mind games.

I also have to mention here that what Tom Hardy did, with only his eyes, is as commendable as Ledger's turn as The Joker. The terror he inspires when he asks John Daggett "Do you feel like you're in control?" is as believable as Bane will get.

b) The common angsty refrain seems to be that Nolan commercialized the movie by keeping Batman alive. He has played into the hands of the average viewer. So, you're a 'discerning' viewer, is it? You can't accept a happy ending. It has to be real, you complain. 

Well, I say this to you. 
i) You line up at IMAX multiplexes, at centers of capitalism and you accuse the multi-million dollar Hollywood movie you've come to see of being commercialized. 
ii) You want it to be real. You want a story about a guy who dresses up like a giant bat to be real. 
I bow to your superior logic. Well done.

Commercialization is only to be frowned upon if it goes against logic. What goes against logic is that Lucius Fox and Bruce Wayne would, having, over the years, developed (a) a way of tracking a single voice in an entire city, (b) a plane capable of maneuvering between skyscrapers, (c) a software that erases a person's record from every known database, not be able to set up auto-pilot on a plane, when all it requires is a software patch. It was a given that the auto-pilot had to be developed.

Another suggestion was that Batman, having developed the auto-pilot, should still have died. I mean, come on. Seriously? Are you THAT stupid?

The Batman had to be seen as dead. His presence in Gotham was attracting the attention of people who wanted to take him on, to prove their worth. And people were suffering because of that.

What I did have a problem with is Batman abandoning Gotham, leaving only just Blake as its protector. Blake has just basic police training. How is he supposed to take care of an entire city like Batman did? That goes against Batman's very character. He is not one to abdicate responsibility, when there are still things to be done.

However, this can be explained away by saying that Blake is more than well equipped to take care of the small fry while still not big or challenging enough to attract the wrong sort of attention to Gotham. And, by keeping Bruce Wayne alive, Nolan has kept the door open for Batman's return if ever the big fry do decide to take on Gotham again.

In the meantime, let's let Bruce Wayne chill. After seeing his parents murdered in front of him, an adolescence spent alone in a big manor, a youth spent abroad religiously training himself to the point of madness, and then, coming back to Gotham only to be savaged by the Joker, and to have his back broken by Bane and his heart, by Rachel and then Miranda, I would say that he has more than earned it. Here's to you, brotha. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Words and other things

Proceedings in Court are rarely fun enough to warrant staying awake for them. Which is probably why even the Judge dozes off quite often. 

There are occasions, however, when one is thankful one was fully alert and, even though checking out the girl standing at one's 2 o' clock, somewhat paying attention to the proceedings in Court. 

Senior Counsel: Blah blah blah

Lady Advocate: M'Lord, my learned friend is putting words in my mouth.

Senior Counsel (without missing a beat): M'Lord, I don't want to put anything in her mouth.

For sheer wit value (and keeping aside all judgment calls), Respek.  

Saturday, July 7, 2012

I stand corrected. THIS is undue pessimism.

There are two endings to Calvin and Hobbes. The one below is the original one published on December 31, 1995.

Seems like the fan who made the one on top has the ability to look at a glass half filled with water and say, "What glass? All I can see are the broken remnants of a glass which was brutally thrown on the ground and pissed on.".

Friday, July 6, 2012


When most things you know are changing, it's a relief to drink the unchanging coffee at the Indian Coffee House, watch the monsoon envelop the city you grew up in and be reminded of simpler times.

Umm.. what?

For quite some time now, I've been curious about what makes football fanatics tick. I mean, why does one support and get into fights for a team from a city one's never been to?

Apparently, the answer is quite simple. Your club is the one that plays the kind of football you would play, if you could.

Somehow, I get the feeling that this doesn't hold true for a lot of fans and, in any case, for the one Manchester United supporter who I won't name and who, on being asked as to who he was supporting for Euro 2012, confidently proclaimed, "Wtf, man? Of course I'm supporting Man U!"

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

That feeling..

you have when you constantly feel that you're missing out on something major in life but you're not quite sure what. 

Sunday, July 1, 2012


ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod why can't i move my legs and arms where am i why am i in this bed in these dirty hospital gowns and why do i feel like there's dirt and maggots all over my body why is my skin all wrinkled and my flesh so loose why can't anyone hear me scream help help help. ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod who are you who are you and why have you kept me here let me out right now or i'll call the police i swear let me out right now

why don't you relax there's nothing to worry about nurse give him the injection we need to calm him down

nonononono stay away from me stay away from me

now that you are calm listen to me you were in an accident many years ago and left paralysed and you opted to free your mind from your useless body so you were pumped full of a miracle drug that lets one's mind be separated from one's body and you've been continuously on that for the past twenty years and you've been living out your life in your mind and nothing that you thought was real is real but now there is world war III going on and it has become difficult to source the drug so i'm afraid you're going to have to get used to the idea of living out the remainder of your life in this hospital bed everyone you know is probably dead but of course we'll take care of you as we best as we can now sleep sleep sleep for a while and we'll meet again


Sweet smiles all around

"Girl, you have a body
Like a bohemian rhapsody
And you say you don't have an adoring public
But you sure as hell have my adoring private"
And she smiled sweetly
Before walking out the door.
While, having empty words said,
I went back to bed.

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